Yorkshire Bible Stories by David Hallamshire
NOAH
GENESIS 6.9
Anyhow. There was this bloke called Noah. And he were a right
good lad and only bloke what were any good on Earth abart that
time, if tha sees me meaning. Cos everyone else were darn right
bad. Anyhow, so this Noah bloke he had three sons and they was
Shem and Ham and Japheth. But, there were a bit of bother like,
cos there were a lot of crime and stuff going on and God were
right upset abart it. And one day He says to Noah,
"Nar then Noah!"
And Noah looks up into sky and he says,
"By 'eck! Hello God. How's tha bin?"
And God says,
"Not reet well luv," says God. "I've decided to
destroy all mankind."
"Oh," says Noah, cos there int a right lot tha can say
is there. And God says a bit more.
"Build thi sen a boat from resinous wood and tar and
stuff, and mek decks and stalls all over place. And it has to be
right long and right wide and right deep an'all. And put three
decks in it luv, and a door int side like," says God.
"Because Lo!..."
"Lo what?" says Noah.
"I ant finished yet," says God. "Stop interrupting
will tha...Because Lo!...I am going to cover the Earth with a
flood and destroy everything."
"Blimey!" says Noah. "That's a bit much."
"Everyone must die," says God. "Cept you and your
family like. And what tha's got to do is dead simple. Tha's got
to get a pair of every animal..a bloke and a missis..and get 'em
into t'old boat afore rain really comes darn heavy. Bring in a
pair of each type of bird and animal and reptile."
"And fish?"
"Don't be daft Noah. We talking abart a flood."
"Oh ah."
